Covid-19, Ramadhan, and Golden Week

Hi people!

I hope everyone is healthy and safe despite the pandemic happening around the globe. So, how have you been coping with the situation?

I am trying to recall when I first became fully aware of the virus, I am not certain, but maybe back in January soon after I arrived back in Tokyo after spending the new year holiday in Indonesia. A colleague at work also came back from China, so after some chats with him, considering we were sitting next to each other we agreed to put on mask for two weeks. Thankfully we were fine.

But then the number of Covid-19 patients started to increase in Japan, including Tokyo. We started to wonder if our company would consider enabling work from home policy. Thankfully the group where I was working with was quite proactive in negotiating with HR to make this happen. Then I began working from home on March 2nd, so it's been approximately two months of working from home now.

I would say I have been enjoying the WFH so far. Although it is not as comfortable as in the office because I only have low desk, which would cause worse stiff shoulder and back pain if not followed by enough stretching. I am happy that I don't have to spend 40 mins train ride each, I am happy that it is so much more comfortable to do my daily prayers at home, I am happy that I have the energy and time to cook properly. Most of all, I am thankful to Allah s.w.t that work has not been affected by the pandemic. I have been blessed that I only have to refrain from going outside unless necessary to try protecting my own health.

Hopefully those badly affected by the pandemic, financially, will have more ease to overcome this difficult time.

Now, Covid-19 has also made Ramadhan this year so different than any other Ramadhan we observed before. Ramadhan 1441 H started on May 24th, in the midst of nationwide state of emergency in Japan, or even lockdown in other countries. Normally, for Indonesian Muslims in Tokyo, we would gather every Sunday to attend Tabligh Akbar, where Islamic Scholar would have been invited from Indonesia, followed by the break-fasting. However, due to Covid-19, we are now doing it online. Normally many Muslims would prefer to go the masjids/mosques to do the Tarawih prayer, but now we are encouraged to do the prayer at home as most masjid in Japan are closed to prevent the virus from spreading. If we looked back to the days of the Prophet, he also practiced Tarawih prayer at home to show to the other believers that Tarawih prayer is a sunnah.

Nevertheless, this situation doesn't stop us from having a break-the-fast together with friends. With technology, I just did an online break fasting for the first time ever yesterday 😄

Besides Ramadhan, it is now the Golden Week, the long awaited long holiday. In the past two years I spent Golden Week by going for a solo driving trip. In 2018, I went to Aomori prefecture then rent a car to drive around Aomori. Last year in 2019, I went to Okinawa, drive around island, and observed the era changed from Heisei to Reiwa. This year, as I knew Golden Week would be during Ramadhan, I didn't really plan to go for a driving trip. But, not going anywhere at all throughout Golden Week, would be my first experience after 11 years in Japan.

Anyway, hopefully the virus can be controlled soon, and we can be free again to go out and see family and friends. Aamiinn..

Have a blessed Ramadhan all 💕

Coping with Loss

Half year ago today, I hurriedly listing down my works after telling my manager that I just got a call from mom asking me to come home because my dad's health condition had dropped. I tried to find flight ticket and managed to get a seat for the next day.

When my flight was taking off, I wished I could see him and that by seeing me he would get better. I landed in Jakarta around 5 p.m. My uncle came to pick me up at the airport then we just hopped on to the car. He did not say anything, acted as anything was normal. But then when I turned my phone on, I received a message from my cousin, telling me to be patience. I started to think why would she sent me such message. But, I did not have the courage to ask my uncle. Then, a call came in from Dhilla, asking me where I was. Then she started to cry. That moment, I knew I was late. Though I realised I did not make it to see my dad, it hadn't hit me just yet. So, I just spent the rest of the ride home as normal as possible, talking about random stuff with my uncle.

As we got closer to the housing complex, I could see the yellow flag, the sign that someone in the neighbourhood passed away. As we reached home, so many people, relatives, neighbours, parents friends were there. I learned that my mom and brother were still on the way back from the hospital with my dad.

Then my dad arrived. I never thought I would see him with no more warmth from his body that soon. I had been excited waiting to come home on August so we could finally spend Eid together. But, Allah decided my dad would not be there by then.

I was trying hard to process the situations, I was trying to imagine how it was gonna be when a father figure suddenly gone. I was sad that I couldn't go home sooner to at least see him alive for the last time.

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

To Allah (Almighty God) we belong, and to Him is our return.” (Qur'an 2:156)

Reminding myself that everyone would eventually die, and recalling the past years where I had been witnessing my dad turning his way of life more and more into what Allah loves, I believed my dad went away as a believer and that he would return to the best place where Allah had prepared for him. With these thoughts, I did not whine. People told me that I seemed so strong, but really, what else could I do?

Been half year since he's gone, many times this fact hit me and left me in tears. It's still hard to imagine living without him to go to when I need to hear his words, for his advises. It's weird coming home and not seeing him, while he had been the person who asked me the most where I'd like to go whenever I was home for holiday. It's not easy but life goes on. I miss you every day, Papa ♥

Few Days Until 30

What did you imagine about being 30? Did you ever think turning 30 as a milestone of your life? As women, I assume many of us had certain thoughts about turning 30.

Back when I was in high school, I had always thought that I would be married and gifted at least 1 child before 30. It is natural that most ladies have similar dreams about their lives, because most of us are conscious about our biological clocks, that we were taught it would be harder to have child after 30. At actual, I am not married, and of course I don't have any kid yet. I wonder what would the 17-yo me think if she finds out about this fact. Would she be disappointed? We will never find the answer anyway. So, what do I feel?

One thing that I am certain is that no, I am not disappointed. There were chances where things might have been different but decisions were made and I don't regret a thing.

Honestly, sometimes I feel left behind because most of my friends are now married and blessed with cute children. It just hits me sometimes that whenever planning on something, my friends would need to ensure certain arrangements with husband or children first before we can actually make a decision. I can't deny that sometimes I feel anxious about life, about the future. Especially now that may dad is no longer around, the pressure on my chest due to uncertainties have felt bigger than ever. 

But, I have learned along the way we are walking on our own paths at our own paces. So, it's normal that we are not always necessarily at the same stage of lives.

Whenever I become anxious about the future, I quickly remind my myself that a muslim, it is my obligation to always trust The Best Planner, The Most Knowledgable, The Almighty God, Allah.

إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعًا

Indeed, mankind was created anxious (70:19) 

Be it personal life or career, I gotta put some efforts to lead them to the way I want them to be, but first thing first, to put trust in Allah. What kind of life would I have after turning 30? Of course, not that I am saying it will immediately change. I have been thinking on some plans, on things that I have control to change (if Allah wills). I just wish I can always be optimistic and positive!