2023: Hajj and Free Palestine

Here comes again, the last day of a year. In general, not many extra ordinary personal events happened in 2023. However, I'd like to keep the only personal highlight of 2023 in this blog. I cannot remember and too lazy to check on past posts so I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it in this blog, but I had been thinking about going for Hajj since around 2018. If I were living in Indonesia, maybe I'd have to wait for years. Actually according to a news article, the waiting period per July 2023 for my city is 23 years for regular program. No kidding! For readers who don't know what Hajj is, please check this link for your information. The reason why people from Indonesia and many other muslim majority countries have to wait so long to go for Hajj, mainly because there is cap for the number of pilgrims each year. Hajj can only be performed during a specific period of time in each year with rites and rituals in specific places. Therefore, this cap is meant to control and ensure the safety of pilgrims. Well, considering I have lived in Japan for years now, going for Hajj from Japan is actually an option. Muslim population in Japan is still small, thus the yearly quota for Hajj from Japan is not huge but just enough for most people who intent to go in the same year they apply. At least for now.

In 2019, I started looking for information on how to go for Hajj from Japan. In Indonesia, Hajj is managed under the Ministry of Religious Affairs but not in Japan. There are several travel agencies approved by Saudi Arabia in Japan that can accommodate Hajj travel. It is especially important for me to find out which travel can accommodate a non-married woman without any male family member to travel with. So I managed to confirm one agency that would be able to accommodate me and had a slot available for 2020. Then I requested them to put my name on their list so I could secure a seat. Well, God had different plan! With the Covid19, obviously the whole world was put to a stop, and Hajj was not an exception. In 2020, only 1000 pilgrims from within Saudi could perform Hajj. In 2021, there were less than 60000 pilgrims still only from within Saudi could perform Hajj. In 2022, Saudi welcomed pilgrims from worldwide but still limited the number to less than one million and sadly Japan was not included. 

As we entered 2023, I started to feel nervous as I hadn't heard anything from the travel agency whether they would have the 2023 Hajj Tour or not. I emailed the PIC on March 2 asking if they had updates, but he said they're still waiting for official announcement from Saudi. Mid March the PIC sent an email to hopeful pilgrims to be, mentioning that they were still waiting for announcement but providing us the estimated departure and arrival dates. They also mentioned the estimated fees which was a very huge increase from the price announced back in early 2020. They finally contacted us on April 18, almost at the end of Ramadan, that they would accommodate Hajj Tour this year. Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar! I remember discussing with my travel mates which Hajj tour plan should we choose on the last day of Ramadan, because the agency we chose offered 4 plans and we had to give them quick confirmation.

Alhamdulillah Allah blessed us with ease during the preparation for visa application etc. Our group departed on June 19 and arrived back in Japan on July 9, with 1 day stop in Qatar on the way back. I pray that my Hajj was accepted and I can return to the holy land again and again in the future. I wish I could write more details about my Hajj experience but maybe I'll do that in another post, but let me share few photos here though.

The Kaaba in Masjid al-Haram, Mecca

The Green Dome of Masjid an-Nabawi, Medina

Now, the other highlight that isn't applicable only for me personally but for many people with a right sense of humanity across the world is the ongoing atrocities on Palestinians especially in Gaza imposed by Israel and its allies. Israel is committing g-e-n-o-c-i-d-e as deemed by many human rights organizations. It has to stop! Palestinians have the right to be free, they have the rights for liberation, and they have the rights to stay on their land and have their homes returned! Free Palestine!

I cannot believe we are still witnessing such cruel and unlawful attacks after 3 months since things were escalated. Important to note, Israel attacks on Palestinians did not start on October 7 this year but since many many many years ago, such as since 1948 known as the Nakba which caused millions displaced Palestinians. However, as a Muslim, I should stay strong to my faith that God have promised the victory for Palestinians in the holy land. Free Palestine!

That's me with my two arms up, joining the crowd protesting in Tokyo last October

Coping with Loss

Half year ago today, I hurriedly listing down my works after telling my manager that I just got a call from mom asking me to come home because my dad's health condition had dropped. I tried to find flight ticket and managed to get a seat for the next day.

When my flight was taking off, I wished I could see him and that by seeing me he would get better. I landed in Jakarta around 5 p.m. My uncle came to pick me up at the airport then we just hopped on to the car. He did not say anything, acted as anything was normal. But then when I turned my phone on, I received a message from my cousin, telling me to be patience. I started to think why would she sent me such message. But, I did not have the courage to ask my uncle. Then, a call came in from Dhilla, asking me where I was. Then she started to cry. That moment, I knew I was late. Though I realised I did not make it to see my dad, it hadn't hit me just yet. So, I just spent the rest of the ride home as normal as possible, talking about random stuff with my uncle.

As we got closer to the housing complex, I could see the yellow flag, the sign that someone in the neighbourhood passed away. As we reached home, so many people, relatives, neighbours, parents friends were there. I learned that my mom and brother were still on the way back from the hospital with my dad.

Then my dad arrived. I never thought I would see him with no more warmth from his body that soon. I had been excited waiting to come home on August so we could finally spend Eid together. But, Allah decided my dad would not be there by then.

I was trying hard to process the situations, I was trying to imagine how it was gonna be when a father figure suddenly gone. I was sad that I couldn't go home sooner to at least see him alive for the last time.

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

To Allah (Almighty God) we belong, and to Him is our return.” (Qur'an 2:156)

Reminding myself that everyone would eventually die, and recalling the past years where I had been witnessing my dad turning his way of life more and more into what Allah loves, I believed my dad went away as a believer and that he would return to the best place where Allah had prepared for him. With these thoughts, I did not whine. People told me that I seemed so strong, but really, what else could I do?

Been half year since he's gone, many times this fact hit me and left me in tears. It's still hard to imagine living without him to go to when I need to hear his words, for his advises. It's weird coming home and not seeing him, while he had been the person who asked me the most where I'd like to go whenever I was home for holiday. It's not easy but life goes on. I miss you every day, Papa ♥

Few Days Until 30

What did you imagine about being 30? Did you ever think turning 30 as a milestone of your life? As women, I assume many of us had certain thoughts about turning 30.

Back when I was in high school, I had always thought that I would be married and gifted at least 1 child before 30. It is natural that most ladies have similar dreams about their lives, because most of us are conscious about our biological clocks, that we were taught it would be harder to have child after 30. At actual, I am not married, and of course I don't have any kid yet. I wonder what would the 17-yo me think if she finds out about this fact. Would she be disappointed? We will never find the answer anyway. So, what do I feel?

One thing that I am certain is that no, I am not disappointed. There were chances where things might have been different but decisions were made and I don't regret a thing.

Honestly, sometimes I feel left behind because most of my friends are now married and blessed with cute children. It just hits me sometimes that whenever planning on something, my friends would need to ensure certain arrangements with husband or children first before we can actually make a decision. I can't deny that sometimes I feel anxious about life, about the future. Especially now that may dad is no longer around, the pressure on my chest due to uncertainties have felt bigger than ever. 

But, I have learned along the way we are walking on our own paths at our own paces. So, it's normal that we are not always necessarily at the same stage of lives.

Whenever I become anxious about the future, I quickly remind my myself that a muslim, it is my obligation to always trust The Best Planner, The Most Knowledgable, The Almighty God, Allah.

إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعًا

Indeed, mankind was created anxious (70:19) 

Be it personal life or career, I gotta put some efforts to lead them to the way I want them to be, but first thing first, to put trust in Allah. What kind of life would I have after turning 30? Of course, not that I am saying it will immediately change. I have been thinking on some plans, on things that I have control to change (if Allah wills). I just wish I can always be optimistic and positive!

A Year Older

Normally I would make a post on my birthday. But, this year, I decided I don't wanna put such pressure on myself. So, here it is one day late post :D

Well, actually I don't plan to write anything special. I will only post a picture, which is related to my upcoming post (hopefully soon), about my solo trip to a city in Ehime Prefecture last year. Ciao!

Hello world!

Hello world!
Maybe from some of you who ever learn programming, this would be the first codes you write :)

Anyway, it's been almost half year since last update on blog. Many things happened but mostly were around work life. As for private life, not much has changed but I'm glad I had a chance to go home, to see family and friend around new year. My family and l had an adventure driving around east Borneo, but too bad my sister couldn't join us.

Just a quick update so I can look back after few times :) Ciao!

Solitary

Sometimes, there are few times when I suddenly get a bit lonely and sad. Especially, since I get closer to mid-20s. There are many reasons for this.

First, I live abroad far from family. Well, family, they are the only group of people who will be there for us no matter what. But, still it's physically impossible now that we live in a 7.5-hours flight distance.

Second, after more than 6 years living here in Tokyo, I've seen off many friends. Unlike me, they didn't decide to prolong their stays here and go on with lives in other parts of the world. So, many of those whom I used to hang out with are not here anymore.

Of course, not all of them are gone. And here it goes the third reason. Many of them have started new stages of life, like being married or having kids. This means, sparing some time to hang out with me will be less prioritized now. I totally understand.

Four, making new friends is not so easy. What I mean by friends here, are those who make me feel comfortable being around them and vice versa, who would be in my top list when I like to invite them to go somewhere or do something together. Those who would at least think to spare some of their time with me. Difficulty in making a new friend itself may have a lot of reasons. Maybe my personality is too bad that no one wants to be around me or maybe I'm just too picky or can't compromise to be 'clicked' with someone. Well, huft.

And maybe there are still reason number five, six, and so on which I can't recall at the moment.

I have been trying to accept my solitary and enjoy in ways that I can do by my own. Like traveling solo, going to a cinema without companion, taking bread courses even if I'm not too passionate about it, and lots others.

But, I can't deny there're days like today when I become sad because there's no one I could ask out for the weekend.

And here I am getting even sadder and teary after writing more than halfway through this post. I guess I made a bad decision to even start writing it.

Perhaps, it just the woman hormonal effect that brings this negativity.

...

HNY 2015!

Hello! It's 2015!

How did you guys spend new year's eve? I stayed in my room and suffered by toothache. But in the afternoon, I finally decided to let go and sold both my dslr and pocket camera. I haven't been using my dslr for so long that it made me thinking to sell it. I came to think that the end of the year would be a nice timing to finally say good bye.

Anyway, there are many to do within this month, and exciting things are waiting ahead! I just hope that everything will go smoothly. Amiinn.

Here's a photo from my new camera *yup, I got a new replacement camera*. Just a very quick shot in a very crowded Omotesando's Cat Street. I usually enjoy this area on weekday when there're not so many people so it feels relaxing. Today it was so crowded that I barely enjoy my walk there. But, since I got what I was looking for, it was good in the end :p

Recently, bicycle rental services have been growing in Tokyo. I also found one in Parco, Shibuya.

The Hunting Is Over (hopefully)!

The Hunting? What did I hunt for? Maybe some of you are wondering, but no, it's not about hunting a prospective husband to be :p Well, I wish I'd have worked on that, too since my parents have started bringing the topic up recently.

So, it's about job hunting. I've been spending the past 6 months for preparations and the job hunting itself. I had that moment when I was a bit disappointed and frustrated for failing several times and decided to take a distance for a while from all the stuff related to job hunting. But then, after having a nice getaway to my home country, I regained my determination and confidence and actually worked it out :D And the most grateful thing was that I even had the choices :)

However, turned out making the right choice was not an easy thing to do. Too much stuff to consider. Well, maybe it's because of my personality so that I tend to think too much when it comes to choices. Simply because I don't want to regret it later. I don't know whether the choice I made is what best for me but I hope it is.

Anyway, I'll still be around in Japan after my graduation next year! Inshaa Allah :)   

What Kind of Future I'm Gonna Make?

Yes, what kind of future I'm gonna make? Instead of what does future have to offer? Because it won't offer anything unless we start doing something by ourselves, don't you think so?

Honestly, I had been going with the flow a lot at least until few years ago, but now that I've reached mid-twenties I know I couldn't just be like that. I need to have future plans.

So there I was making some plans for few years ahead. Actually it would be ideal if I could include marriage into my plans but I didn't and yet still don't have any idea about how to work on that. So, the simplest yet most important thing is to decide on what I'm gonna do after graduation. I decided that I'm gonna find a job. Yes, that sounds simple. But turns out it is not as simple as it is. I was once so firm about the image of my plans but recently it starts to shake. Now I have more doubts whether it will be fine or should I change my plans. But I know, I think it's because the journey I have to make towards my plans isn't as smooth as I wish it'll be. That's why I became unsure. The only think I should do now is to keep on trying to get to the place I want to be and have faith that the best is yet to come! :D

picture from here.

Btw, the past few days in Tokyo have been so cold and feel like it's turning back to winter again. Oh well! Take care wherever you are buddies! Chiao!

Note To Self

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” 

– Kurt Vonnegut 

It's been a while since the last time I did some blog-walkings and I found this quote on Diana Rikasari's blog. It got me thinking about lots of stuff. :|

My 5th Autumn

Who would have known that I would stay this long in Japan. And now I'm embracing the beauty of autumn for the fifth time here. The first two pictures were taken at a nearby park from where I live at the beginning of this month. Many of the leaves were still green at that time, but one big tree right in front of the park had orange leaves already. The two pictures that follow were taken around last week at the top of Mt. Takao. The leaves were literally red! The view was incredibly pretty as it was sunny, too.

The four pictures below were taken during my afternoon walk today around the neighborhood. I'm not sure whether you have ever seen any or not, but me and many of my friends who also live in Japan, we all love taking pictures of our feet (well, shoes..) and fallen leaves around us. If you can't get what I mean, you can see the pictures below. I think I've been taking that kind of pictures at least one each year. But taking similar pictures all the time might be boring, so I love to also put "uniqueness" to each frame. Anyway, having an afternoon walk in this season is the best! It feels so much better than afternoon walks in spring or in summer and I prefer not to have one in winter :p haha!

The sad thing is that it will be rainy tonight, so perhaps many of those pretty leaves would be swept away by the rain. Hiks.

Pocky Day :D

Happy pocky day (11.11) and happy birthday to me! :D

Let's share pocky! ^^

Let's blow the candles fiuhhh~

You Can't Have Enough Of It

Bought myself a new pair of sneakers yesterday :) All white, so classic and I love it a lot! Got a pair of mint color shoe laces too and I also bought another pair of shoe laces in purple. Yeay!

Confident

Recently I learned that by being confident about yourself would help to make people be more respectful and appreciative to you. Of course, we should make sure not to be over confident. :)

New Blog Title :D

Hi friends!

For you who have been here before, as you can see yourself that I just changed my blog title from puzzle of life to Not your Home. Puzzle of life had been the title since this blog was first created in 2009. But, I suddenly had the idea to change it yesterday! There's no specific reason for it, but since this blog isn't that popular, making such a big change wouldn't be a big deal. haha.

Along with the change, of course I have to change the header picture,  too. So I decided to come with a whole different look from the old one. I hope you like it :) I also plan to change the background picture, but I'll use this one for a while until I find another one. About the contents, basically nothing's gonna change, will still be around my daily life.

And, for you who is new here :) Welcome to Not your Home! As written on the blog tagline above, it's my freespace and you're free to come as well to leave a comment :) 

Sundays Recently

Almost every Sunday, recently, I begin the day with confusion on what to do. Having to go to school and work from Monday to Saturday makes me want to make the most of my Sunday to chill and relax. But, somehow it makes me wonder on how I should spend my Sunday. Whether by being a lazy girl, staying the whole day in my room so that at least I can rest my body or going out somewhere, maybe to a shopping center so that I could be entertained.

Today, I decided to have my skin treated by scrubbing. I just realized it's been so long since the last time I did that. Then, when the sun shine started to get softer, changed by the cloudy sky, I decided to go to a shop to buy Indonesian noodle, Indomie. I haven't eat it for months so I kinda miss it. Although it's not a healthy food but I should say it's delicious. haha. To buy this Indomie, I should take a train to go to the shop! But it's okay because it's not so far. Then I rode the train back to the nearest station to my dorm and drop by a 100 yen shop to buy sink garbage disposal net for the kitchen sink at my dorm room. Just right after that the drizzle started to pour and I rushed my bicycle so that I could be at the dorm before the rain pour more.

Hahaha. What a Sunday diary.

On The Road to Becoming An Adult

I've always knew that eventually I'll go through things where I feel 'Oh God, is it an adult's world?!' or some sorts of thoughts like that. I won't lie I'm definitely excited for the adulthood but not looking forward to it so soon as I think I might not be ready for anything. Things that I did not understand or I did not even know back then.

But here I am, nearly in my mid twenties, I know I can't avoid it. I can't say I don't wanna be an adult anymore. It's time to face reality! haha.

Any decision that I make from now on regarding my life, even a little decision, might bring me to a whole different future. I just hope to be wise each time I'm gonna pass a crossroad.

-random thought on a sunny sunday-

Another 11.11

Hello friends! So today remarks that i've been living in this amazing world for 23 years. But, today doesn't tell me nor you how much time i have left to enjoy every second of it, how much i have left to make the best of it. Birthday isn't only a moment to celebrate but also a moment to look back and to look forward at the same time. Don't let yourself being regretful when you realized that you're not young anymore or that it's too late to go back and change a thing.

Happy Pocky day, too!
and here is a beautiful scene of autumn that i took few days ago :)

Sayonara!

To someone miles away,
Thank you for everything. Sayonara!

The 4th Spring in Japan

I never thought three years would pass so fast. Three years ago on April 8, I arrived in Japan to continue my study. Three years have passed since then. I'd be lying if I said I haven't changed for the past three years. I do think I've changed quite a lot. Well, as in appearance, I've gained 6 kilos in three years and you can see it clearly from my cheeks and else. Besides that, I do feel the way I think about something, the way I see things (matters) might have changed, too. But I still can't change the fact that I'm a quite short-tempered person. Sometimes I can't listen to people not because I don't want to but because I feel they don't give convincing reasons. By the way, it makes me realized that there are so many people who aren't good communicators. Maybe I'm also one of them. God, I seriously think if everyone could communicate well, this world will be so peaceful. For me myself, the fact that I can't tell what I want to and the fact that people can't get what I want to tell are so frustrating. I could be very upset because of that.

And this is the thing that haven't changed in three years, the thing that I always find myself lost in the middle of my post. Suddenly I can't figure what I want to write. hehe.

In these three years, I learned that it isn't easy to find people with same interests, same visions, or even if they're not the same at any of the things I said, at least people who we can get along with in many ways. Spending a lot of time with someone, doesn't always mean we can get along well with that person. Sometimes there's a kind of reluctance to bring up disagreement only to avoid conflict. But in the end we can't always avoiding differences, there will a point where we feel tired.

Anyway, last March my mom paid a visit to Japan for work but I could also get to hang out with her since I  tagged along with her. And here it is a photo of me and my mom. Some photos of sakura (cherry blossom) will follow :)

me and mom in Niigata

taken at Shinjuku Gyoen on April 7

taken at Tsurugaoka Hachimangu Shrine, Kamakura on April 8

taken at Kamakura Daibutsu on April 8