What did you imagine about being 30? Did you ever think turning 30 as a milestone of your life? As women, I assume many of us had certain thoughts about turning 30.
Back when I was in high school, I had always thought that I would be married and gifted at least 1 child before 30. It is natural that most ladies have similar dreams about their lives, because most of us are conscious about our biological clocks, that we were taught it would be harder to have child after 30. At actual, I am not married, and of course I don't have any kid yet. I wonder what would the 17-yo me think if she finds out about this fact. Would she be disappointed? We will never find the answer anyway. So, what do I feel?
One thing that I am certain is that no, I am not disappointed. There were chances where things might have been different but decisions were made and I don't regret a thing.
Honestly, sometimes I feel left behind because most of my friends are now married and blessed with cute children. It just hits me sometimes that whenever planning on something, my friends would need to ensure certain arrangements with husband or children first before we can actually make a decision. I can't deny that sometimes I feel anxious about life, about the future. Especially now that may dad is no longer around, the pressure on my chest due to uncertainties have felt bigger than ever.
But, I have learned along the way we are walking on our own paths at our own paces. So, it's normal that we are not always necessarily at the same stage of lives.
Whenever I become anxious about the future, I quickly remind my myself that a muslim, it is my obligation to always trust The Best Planner, The Most Knowledgable, The Almighty God, Allah.
إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعًا
Indeed, mankind was created anxious (70:19)
Be it personal life or career, I gotta put some efforts to lead them to the way I want them to be, but first thing first, to put trust in Allah. What kind of life would I have after turning 30? Of course, not that I am saying it will immediately change. I have been thinking on some plans, on things that I have control to change (if Allah wills). I just wish I can always be optimistic and positive!
