23.10.15

Solitary

Sometimes, there are few times when I suddenly get a bit lonely and sad. Especially, since I get closer to mid-20s. There are many reasons for this.
First, I live abroad far from family. Well, family, they are the only group of people who will be there for us no matter what. But, still it's physically impossible now that we live in a 7.5-hours flight distance.
Second, after more than 6 years living here in Tokyo, I've seen off many friends. Unlike me, they didn't decide to prolong their stays here and go on with lives in other parts of the world. So, many of those whom I used to hang out with are not here anymore.
Of course, not all of them are gone. And here it goes the third reason. Many of them have started new stages of life, like being married or having kids. This means, sparing some time to hang out with me will be less prioritized now. I totally understand.
Four, making new friends is not so easy. What I mean by friends here, are those who make me feel comfortable being around them and vice versa, who would be in my top list when I like to invite them to go somewhere or do something together. Those who would at least think to spare some of their time with me. Difficulty in making a new friend itself may have a lot of reasons. Maybe my personality is too bad that no one wants to be around me or maybe I'm just too picky or can't compromise to be 'clicked' with someone. Well, huft.
And maybe there are still reason number five, six, and so on which I can't recall at the moment.

I have been trying to accept my solitary and enjoy in ways that I can do by my own. Like traveling solo, going to a cinema without companion, taking bread courses even if I'm not too passionate about it, and lots others.

But, I can't deny there're days like today when I become sad because there's no one I could ask out for the weekend.
And here I am getting even sadder and teary after writing more than halfway through this post. I guess I made a bad decision to even start writing it.
Perhaps, it just the woman hormonal effect that brings this negativity.

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